The Indian woman is an interesting species. She is raised with lot of social expectations and control. In all cases she has a pressure to keep everyone satisfied for which she needs a superhuman effort. Life however is never a straight-line; it’s a wave that goes in crests and troughs. There are days she is tired, disorganized, and forgetful, has period problems, mood swings and can’t cope. Still she tries hard to maintain her image of being in control. This gap in her capacity and expectations gives birth to some typical lies our women speak. Nothing personal! Just sit back and enjoy.
He is one person a woman always wants to impress. This means he often gets to hear the maximum lies when she tries to maintain her impression.
- Bus paanch minute main tayyar hoke aayee (I’ll be ready in five minutes)- This never happens a woman needs and hour to change from the rags to diva look.
- Bachchon ne late kar diya (the kids delayed me)- A smart woman knows that blood is thicker than water. A man can never get angry if a problem is blamed on his kids.
- Traffic jam tha (There was a traffic jam)- This is an all time favorite when she returns late after shopping bags and bags of stuff.
- Mere purse main bas itne hi paise hain (I have just little money in my purse): She would have twice the money for that toy but she just can’t break her precious’s heart. She claims to have no money and gets the child out of the shop.
- Beta koi pasand aaye to bata dena hum broad minded hain (If you like someone tell us, we are broad minded)- This is just a ploy to check if the child is going around. Most of them are not prepared for the truth and throw a big fit when it comes out.
With her friends:
- Wow! You look great: You look just like any other day! It is me who is waiting for a compliment in return.
- Let’s all wear jeans and tops for the party– My legs and arms are not waxed and don’t have the time to go to the salon. Don’t want to look drab when you all wear your sleeveless, short dresses.
- I hardly know what’s going on– She might be updated on everything but she would like to know more. Go on tell her what you know.
- You can tell me your deepest secrets– We are faithful friends but not to all. We just say this to please you. Watch out! Don’t pour out everything. I have one close friend who I can’t resist telling these juicy tales. Don’t blame if everyone knows by tomorrow.
With her hosts:
- Arrey itni taqleef kyon ki? (Why did you take so much trouble?)- Good you made some stuff this time. I treated you to a five course meal and you served us just Pav-bhaji for dinner.
- Oh Ye! Ye recipe to maine kab se banati hoon (Oh This! I have been making this dish since long.)- It is beneath her dignity to admit her hostess knows more about cooking than her. She would surreptitiously check a recipe and once she knows it, its was always hers.
With her guests:
- Your child is so active– Check if she is gnashing her teeth when she says that. He has been pulling the tablecloths, fiddling with showpieces, torn a cushion and spilled the juice on the carpet. She wants to scream, “Put on a leash on that brat!!!” But her upbringing interferes.
- Fir aayyiga (Come again)- You might have rocked her schedule into a mess, soiled the bed sheets with your dirty feet. Found faults with the way she keeps the house or raises her children. She is ready to fall with fatigue and frustration. But if you were her guests an Indian woman would always say this.
With relatives in marriages:
- Mujhe to thand nahi lag rahi (I am not cold at all)- If it is four degrees or forty , our dear lady would be flaunting her back and midriff in the low cuts. Even when the men would be wearing three-piece woolen suits and warming themselves with pegs of free liquor. Shawls spoil the look we can deal with the cold and cough or back aches tomorrow.
- Mujhe to hawaa aur pani ghee ki tarah lagta hai (even air and water make me fat)- She might have tasted all the snacks, filled her plate to the brim, eaten all the desserts but that’s just this one rare day. She doesn’t eat at all; the fat is in love with her.
- Ye dance to maine abhi aise hi kar diya (This dance I performed extempore)- Our lady had been watching you-tube videos, taking help from neighbourhood teens and practicing hours for the sangeet but she has to project it as her natural talent.
- Kitni pyaari Jodi hai (What a lovely pair)- The bride and the groom might look like a swan paired with a crow or chalk with cheese, but our dear woman wouldn’t let them have second thoughts, not on the marriage day at least.
- I have no problems with my In-laws; they are very gentle– with all the relatives in attendance she is at her congenial best. She has to keep the ‘It’s all well in the paradise’ image alive. So what if her shoe has a rock that hurts her foot. She holds her chin up and walks with a smile.
Hey Lady Salute to your spirit! How much I might see through your lies, you never fail to amaze me.